A Few Rotten Apples Spoil the Barrel
To let folks know what's going on in and around the building they post updates in the elevator. Typed messages on letterhead displayed in a locked glass case. These updates include important items like water shut offs (thankfully, rare), window washing schedules (literally, don't want to get caught with your pants down), and changes in hours (biggie during holidays). The important stuff is usually about 10% -- the other 90% is made up of ways to essentially appease what probably amounts to a handful or two of people who live here. I'll be nice and call them whiners (although I am sure those who know the type can think of better names for them).

The woman who manages the office, and whom I believe may write, if not edit these updates, is very sweet. As someone who has had to write department newsletters, I know how hard it can be to get your message across, and not "offend" anyone (as I recall, the job was passed to me after one of the supervisors used the word "granola head" and an unbelievable amount of insanity ensued). So I don't hold it against her. I have a feeling that deep down, she wishes she could edit it. Her office window faces out into the lobby, and I suspect when she sees the usual suspects gathering she wishes she could head for the hills some days.

On that note, I thought it would be fun to re-write one of the latest items that appeared on the update about noxious odors around the building. Now, while I agree that my nose has been insulted on several occasions by the smells of someone cooking or smoking, that is one of the unfortunate facts of life when living in a high rise. I recall one time recently riding up 12 floors with a guy who didn't want to use the showers in the gym downstairs, despite the fact that he was completely drenched in sweat, but I didn't go running down to the homeowner's office to make a stink (no pun intended).

The item in the update asked residents to be mindful of people with heath problems (respiratory, allergies, etc.) when cooking, cleaning, or smoking. It suggested using the kitchen fan, instead of the front door to air out your unit. It was very polite, although there was a slight undertone of "yes, we know this should be obvious, and yes, most residents do comply." So here's how I might have re-worded it:

Can't We All Just Get Along? (this is what I would call the section of the update for the whiners)

The regulars have been down complaining again. [My job forbids me from naming names, but you know who they are.] They have asked me to remind you that if you cook that spicy curry crap you eat, that you use the fan above the range, and NOT open the front door to air out your apartment (what the heck is wrong with you people -- didn't you grow up with indoor plumbing?!). That goes double for you chain smokers (haven't you seen the billboards -- California is the no smoking section of the country) or germaphobes who go crazy mixing the bleach with the ammonia (that's toxic, by the way).

I know, I wish I could tell these people to get a life (or move already), or at the very least get an air filter, but most of the time I do like my job, and would like to keep it. So if you think this applies to you, it probably does, so deal with it already.