someone jumped

Tonight while some of us were waiting for the elevator after book club, someone asked if we had heard that someone had jumped. Rumor is that they lived on 29. Maybe on Thursday. Details unclear. (Nothing in the announcement in the elevator, although they do mention the "orange alert".)

It is very strange but I think I had this dream. Heard a scream. Looking out the window, and watching as it happened. Calling security. Unable to look down.

I would be lying if I said I wasn't somewhat jealous. The thought had crossed my mind, but far too messy a way to go. I couldn't do that to anyone having had it almost done to me.

When my Mom lived here with us she threatened to jump. It brought back all of that hellish day. Whoosh!

She had gotten pretty drunk and very out of it. Decided that it was too dangerous for her to stay in the apartment so she went downstairs to the gym. One of the guards found her and called the paramedics to do a psych consult for a 5150. Most of this happened while I was at work.

I had just arrived home probably about the same time as the paramedics. I was upstairs in the bathroom when someone from downstairs called with the news. I almost didn't answer the phone.

The voice on the other end wanted to know if I was aware that my mother had been threatening to jump and was found on the second floor common area. That the paramedics were here and were taking her away. Of course I had no idea.

I remember I didn't wash my hands, as I was so worried she would be gone by the time I descended 27 floors. Oh, the details you remember, and the ones you forget.

She was in the homeowner's office, talking pretty crazy. Probably a bipolar episode (undiagnosed at the time). She gave me her backpack and her diamond ring. She didn't have her insurance card on her. Caused all sorts of problems. Fought Kaiser for over a year regarding the ambulance bill.

As they wheeled her out across the lobby she pulled the sheet over her head. A woman who was sitting there uttered something about the woman being dead. The woman was someone I knew, a coworker, and ironically a therapist. I let her know that the woman was not dead, and that she was my mother. Of all the people to be there at that moment.

Of course she felt terrible. She offered to wait with me until B returned home. I declined and just went upstairs, unsure of what to do. My only thought was that had she jumped, I surely would have had to move. I was in shock.

. . . satellites have closed their eyes, the moon has gone to sleep . . . . people falling, falling, falling, and I don't know where they're falling from. are they unloved? -- jann arden, unloved