a parting poem for National Poetry Month

Caste Off

Like holey underwear
Why didn’t I see the signs?
Wasn’t my first official act to fire
Another that you had grown tired of?
A Ralph Lauren cover girl
Turned ex of your lover
A Jew with a tattoo
Who spent too much time at the office reading Vogue.

I still remember sitting in your fishbowl office that day
Watching her, for the first time wearing a dress
(Knowing she was out of there, even though she didn’t)
A girly girl dress with a rambling rose pattern
So unlike her
But what did I know?
Hadn’t I only been there three weeks?

But of course I felt like she deserved it
She had tried to set me up
Told you she had given me the information
While sharing nothing
Whining she was too busy
Certainly she deserved to be fired by a stranger
Tossed aside like a moist thong

Quickly you and I became friends
Your life was more insane than my own
You were the first person I met who could win
The “who had had a worse day “game
I was hooked
You were the closest I came to feeling drunk

First there was your alcoholic roommate
Who simply disappeared one day
(Less than one week after moving in)
Abusing the devil dog before she departed
And found in a part of town
Where white girls usually emerge in body bags

Quickly I learned that you needed a harem
Like day of the week panties
You had your soon to be ex (Monday)
Foreign interns that propositioned you (Mardi et Mittwoch)
Plus your lover tucked away in the hill country
(Your rich friend with two boys
Cast out by the elders of her church
when they discovered her little secret) (Thursday)
Sisters fighting for your affections (oh, the presents)(Friday)
Not to mention the stalker
Remember her? The one who left notes of your car
And even showed up on your front door? (Saturday)
Where was Sunday? Oh, I forgot, god.

Every day with you was an adventure
But more looking glass than wonderland
Never knew what to expect next:
The office break in
Getting my car towed with the devil dog locked inside
Post it notes tacked to the front door announcing eviction
Toilet water dripping down into inboxes
I couldn’t make up the stuff that happened

And yet I threw all caution to the wind
Got in my car and drove
To the country better known as Texas

Sure, I indulged my secret love of salsa
And learned to crave the heat
But I didn’t know that I would just become
Another cast away

Within weeks of my arrival
Frenchie outwore her welcome
Nearly ended up in the hospital
The kind with rubber walls

But again, I played my role
Clipped her of her key and company Amex.
Thought it was all her doing.
But it wasn’t.
She was just another crumpled pair of panties
Torn lace, stretched elastic
Used up and cast onto the floor

I never ever thought it could happen to me
We were friends
You trusted me with your brain-damaged brother
I had been there for the good times
And the bad

Yes, there were good times:
Secret trips to get our nails done
Tea and tête-à-têtes
Front row opera tickets
Mango ice in the park on hot afternoons
The closest thing to a slumber party I’d encountered since I was 12
You reminded me how special it felt to have a best girl friend

Amazing things happened when I was with you
Like going to a lecture to see Shakti Gawain
And bumping into a friend I hadn’t seen in years
Who just by coincidence had also been invited by a friend
She was visiting (didn’t even live in town anymore)

All of that blinded me to the fact that
Like all those before me
You would grow tired
And cast me away too
Just like the rest
A worn pair of knickers

There were signs, but I just ignored them:
Being left out of weekend plans
Others moving up the ladder
Ultimatums
Even being told I was a bad friend, didn’t share enough secrets
Almost being fired, more than once

But I didn’t want to see it
I yearned for what we had had
And I tried with all my might to win it back
Your affection and my position as best girlfriend.

What I see now is that few last more than a year
The longer they stay, the harder they fall
I remember feeling ripped and torn
Was this real? Or had it all been a dream?
I didn’t know what to believe.
Found it hard to trust myself.
I was shaken to the core.

Tossed out like a pair of stained unmentionables.

For the prose version of the story, click on "my journal".