lsd

Lake Shore Drive is the road that most likely comes to mind when you think of Chicago. It has come to connote leisurely drives in a red convertible with the top down, gentle breeze blowing, etc., etc. The reality however couldn’t be further from the truth.

Sure LSD loops along Lake Michigan and does have some amazing views of places like Navy Pier and downtown, but that is about where this romantic notion ends. The reality is that driving down Lake Shore Drive is much what I guess a trip on LSD might be like. My hypothesis is that this is where the drug really gets its name – seriously the scientists just figured out some chemical components that also fit the initials.

For starters the maximum speed on Lake Shore Drive is 40 miles. Most people go at least 60mph, except during rush hour when you are lucky to go 4 mph. In the wintertime the speed limit drops to 35 mph but the signs don’t change. Get pulled over for speeding and you might think you are doing drugs as the officer explains this one.

Speaking of signs, the signage on Lake Shore Drive is a little bizarre. As I stated the maximum speed you are technically allowed to drive is 40mph, but there are several hairpin turns where you need to slow down to 15mph. As you come upon the turn you will see a 40mph sign followed ten feet later by the 15 mph sign followed by another 40mph sign ten feet beyond that. It’s insane!

One of my favorite signs though, is at the end of Lake Shore Drive headed northbound. At that point the road becomes Hollywood if you stay to the left, and Sheridan if you stay to the right. Of course, the sign about Hollywood is on the right, and the sign about Sheridan is on the left. Feeling woozy yet?

The road itself needs some serious work. Of course on most days you will find signs warning you of workers ahead as well as the laws in Illinois which will send you to jail for at least 13 years if you hit and kill one. Rarely though do you see any IDOT workers out there, let alone actually working.

On parts of the road the lines seem to disappear and you literally find yourself trying to stay between grooves that have been etched into the road. Add a little rain or drive after the sun sets and once again you will have that edgy drug induced feeling come over you.

As if all of that isn’t enough, you never know what you might see on the side of Lake Shore Drive. The other day I saw a flock of geese that apparently have decided to winter in Chicago walking on the lake! Okay, it was frozen, but still. Tell someone this and surely they will think you have been doing drugs.

And then there are the drivers themselves, some of which I believe may not have gotten the memo and decided to take crack to further enhance their Lake Shore Drive experience. Put your turn signal on to move into the next lane and the driver is sure to stay just close enough so you can’t switch lanes. It seems that most drivers just change lanes without signaling. It is funny though to watch the sea of red brake lights as the drivers try to slow down when they see the patrol car up ahead.

Truly though I have yet to see such bad drivers, and I learned to drive in Los Angeles (and my parents both learned to drive in northern tip of the garden state)! A lot of it has to do with that fact that about 40% of the traffic is taxicabs and buses. And of course the pedestrians don’t help matters. Clearly this is a town that has no respect for the flashing red hand. It doesn’t help either that the official rule of the city is put on your hazards and turn any spot into a loading zone/parking space.

background noise :: dear someone, gillian welch