how much is too much

The last several days I have just been in this funk. It is hard to concentrate. I am anxious, but can't really pinpoint why. It isn't fun. I get nothing done.

Sometimes I stop and think about what the last year has been like. So many changes. Moving to Chicago, and everything that has meant. Having a new schedule to get used to every twelve weeks. Seeing less and less of B. Taking on more responsibity around the house. Dealing with the grief of the loss of my sister.

It is a lot. But part of me also feels like I should be coming around the bend. Things should start to feel better. Or at least more settled.

I know how lucky I am. How blessed. I have been given so much. Still it is hard. And I hate myself for not being able to enjoy it more.

Of course there are moments of clarity, when I feel like I am finally understanding. But they don't last long. And they almost feel manic.

I can't believe the quarter and school year are about to come to a close. Only a few weeks left, and there is lots going on in between: book club, spring fling, end of the year party, final officers potluck (I am hosting), and of course the visit of all visits.

background noise :: blue eyes, willie nelson