reinventing self

Wherever you go, there you are.
--Goethe

This quote has always been a favorite, but it wasn't until I literally got in my car and drove 1500 miles in less than three days, and found myself in Austin, Texas, that I truly understood it. It was a big moment of clarity.

I was running from myself, but learned that no matter how hard you try, no matter what drastic matters you take, it is impossible. Our inner being is always there.

For someone who has moved so much, and thus been "the new girl" more times than one really should, I often fell into the trap to try to be someone new, different, exciting. Someone who wasn't shy. Someone who made friends easily. Someone who didn't always obey all the rules. Someone who didn't have a crazy family. But it never worked. By the time the middle of the term rolled around, my real self was known to all. Who was I trying to fool anyway?

There are good reasons to try and change. But simply changing locale is never enough. You know, you can run, but you can't hide.

I guess I bring this up in part because as we get closer to the start of term, it seems like an appropriate topic. As first year students find themselves with 500 new people to impress, amuse and share their life story, you can't wonder about the self-talk that goes on in the mirror before the first day. Hopefully not too much of the I'm good enough, smart enough, and people like me variety.

Even the returning students have some opportunity to reinvent themselves (the first years are fair game and certainly no one has met every member of their class). It is really hard work though, and doesn't always succeed. Look what happened to HP.

Seriously though, it is human nature to want to be liked. The reality is that not everyone will feel the same way about us, which when you think about it is probably a good thing. Life would be boring at best and chaotic at the worst (can you imagine having to remember everyone's birthday?!!).

It is interesting to note as well that prior to the start of term, all the incoming students are profiled inside and out. They are required to take a full battery of tests which are scored and discussed. In addition to their personality profiles, they also learn how they deal with change and what their managerial style is.

There are strengths and weaknesses for any given profile. Many believe though that some of these core charactersitics were instilled in us very early on (way before we started school), and stick with us for life unless something major happens. If you think about it, how many introverts do you know that become extroverts? Sure someone may become more extroverted, but it is rare to see someone go from wall flower to life of the party (unless prehaps there is alcohol involved).

So the challenge isn't so much in letting our true self shine through when we find ourselves in a new surrounding - that is going to happen whether we like it or not. The real challenge is in accepting ourselves, for the flawed yet talented and unique individuals that we are.


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