the night that changed everything

canon digital rebel xsi

I have no idea what is bringing this to the surface. It happened when I was 15, around the holidays. I couldn't even give you an exact date. But it truly was the night that changed my world forever, even if at the time I didn't realize its impact fully.

Like all incidents of this nature, it didn't just happen. It had been brewing for a while. The holidays were coming, and my Mom wanted to go up north and visit her brother and sister-in-law. My sister, did not want to come.

So my Mom gave her a choice. She could either stay with a friend, or visit the family on the east coast. Of course my sister wanted to stay at home alone - she was 14.

At one point my sister reportedly had found a friend who would take her in for a few days. My Mom wanted names and phone numbers. She wanted to talk to the girl's mother, and make sure everything was on the up and up. I guess it wasn't. So that left a trip to the Garden State to see my father and grandmother. My Mom made it very clear that my sister was too young to stay home alone. There was no way my Mom was serving time for being a negligent parent.

My sister came back to my Mom a few days later and pointed out that she didn't have proper clothing to spend a week in the cold snowy east. She did have a point. In Southern California, you really didn't need more than a jacket, so that's all we had. My Mom agreed, and gave my sister some money to buy a coat. She returned from the mall with stuffed animals, including one for my Mom with a small box of chocolate.

Needless to say, that did not go over well. My sister, I am sure, was surprised. How could our mother not be thrilled with such as gift? There was a huge ugly fight. My sister was sent to her room before my mother killed her.

Later that night we were called to the table for dinner. We were having hot dogs and beans. Why I remember that, I don't know. But what I do remember is that dinner ended with my sister picking up her plate with her unfinished dinner, and flinging it across the table at my mother. She missed, but made her point. And what that, the night that changed everything begun.

Understandably, my Mom was livid. While my mother had seen my sister go after me on many an occasion (including one time where she came home to find my sister sitting on me so that I couldn't breathe), this was the first time my sister had done some physical towards her. My sister fled to her room, and I tried to stay out of the way, cleaning the mess that was left behind. That's how I overheard the phone conversation.

My Mom called my (paternal) grandmother. She said she couldn't do this any longer, and asked if my grandmother would take us in. Yes, us, as in my sister and me. I didn't hear the other end, but it was clear that my grandmother was more than willing. She truly did love us, even if she didn't understand everything that was about to happen.

This is where things get a bit fuzzy. I am not sure when I confronted my Mom about the whole package deal business, but I did. I knew on some level that a one-way trip to New Jersey would be the end of me. I had worked way too hard to come as far as I had, and I couldn't let anything - not even my sister - get in my way. And so I let my Mom have it. I literally felt like I was fighting for my life.

I told my Mom that it wasn't fair. I said that were were two different people. I pointed out that I hadn't done anything wrong. I wanted to go see my Aunt, Uncle, and cousin for Christmas. I hadn't gone to the mall for a coat and come back with a Garfield and Odie doll. I was an honor student at a Catholic school, making straight A's, and keeping myself out of trouble.

Of course through all of this I was yelling and crying. My Mom was not impressed with my theatrics and sent me away to my room. I was so stressed that on the way, my nose started bleeding.

All I remember was that seeing blood streaming down my face, set me off further. I was now inconsolable and crying hysterically in a ball on the floor of my room. I managed to get blood all over the place. It was on the white walls of my room and the light beige carpet, not to mention my face and clothes. My sister must have come out of her room at this point and saw me. I guess I thought I told her what was happening, but maybe I didn't, or she didn't understand me or believe me. I think she tried to help wipe some of the blood up lest my Mom's rage be further fueled.

At some point my Mom came into my room. She saw the blood and her initial reaction was that I was being way overly dramatic, and had tried to kill myself. Of course it felt like she was saying that I couldn't even do that right.


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