the ten year engagement ends

B & I were legally married on Wednesday, February, 4, 2009 - the anniversary of our first kiss. It was a private ceremony held at the LA County court house. There were no witnesses as we took advantage of the confidential (aka rock star) marriage license. The record is sealed. It takes a court order to get a copy of the marriage certificate. It should save us from unsolicited mail.

We arrived a half hour early, as instructed. We had to pay the fee for the copies of the certificate plus the ceremony fee. We were then told to wait in the waiting area. That was the saddest part of the day. Lots of pregnant women getting married. People in jeans and t-shirts. It just felt like people didn't really take this seriously.

Our appointment was at 1:30pm. We were called in at about 1:40pm. We had to go around to the chapel, and be let in. The wait seems forever. Ironically my cell phone rang. I didn't answer it. Turned out to be a wrong number from Chicago.

Once inside, things happened pretty quickly, although it also felt like time stood still. The officiant said we were the sweetest couple she married this year.

I think we broke every rule. We made our own rules. There really aren't any rules.

B ordered a ring while his family was still here. Since they extended their stay there really wasn't much choice in the matter. As it turned out, the ring arrived the morning of the wedding. It meant we got the grand tour of LA county. We drove across the San Gabriel Valley to Pasadena to pick it up, and then out to Norwalk for the ceremony. From there we headed to the Westside.

Neither of us had eaten more than a cup of tea and a couple of bites of baked goodies from Bakesale Betty, so first order of business (after switching shoes) was to find something to eat. It was after 2pm, so we headed northwest and tried to figure something out. I remember talk of a Jewish Deli in Culver City that had been there over 40 years. I thought it was called the Rock 'n Rye. Google correctly routed us to the Roll n' Rye. The food was plentiful and delicious. I had a chicken salad sandwich on sourdough and B got the cheese blitzes. The homemade pickles were to die for. Learned that they were a family recipe.

Next it was off to the W in Westwood. Gigi* at the front desk noticed the note B put in the reservation (that it was our wedding night), and upgraded us to the WOW Suite. Oh my! WOW!! It had a living room, a separate study, along with a separate bedroom and bath. We had views of UCLA and the pool. You could actually see clear to the ocean. The weather in LA on Wednesday was 80F. Can't believe we left our swimsuits back at the house. Oh well. Next time.

We had dinner at a lovely place in Santa Monica. We got their early so stopped at RiteAide to get some cough syrup for me. I am still sick. Somehow the staff at the restaurant thought it was our anniversary. They sent over a plate of cookies with a candle. We didn't correct them. Technically it was the anniversary of our first kiss (that links to the story if you missed it).

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* She was also the first person to officially call me Mrs. Go aloud when she called to check on how we liked the room.



on the night stand :: The Impossible Advantage

father's day is coming

The email messages are starting to bombard my inbox. Father's Day is now less than a week away. Amazon thinks I should get my dad a Kindle. Clearly they don't know my father. He doesn't read Playboy for the articles, if you know what I mean. Usually there recommendations are so on the mark.

Over at Williams-Sonoma, Chuck and his friends think my dad would like something monogrammed. Maybe some beer glasses with his initials. Or something for the grill. Was that a meat brander? These are a little more on target, although probably not something my father would entirely appreciate. (And yet your earnings are tumbling!)

It has been a long while since I celebrated Father's Day. I couldn't even tell you what present I last bought for my father, but I know it wasn't a tie.

I remember going with my mother and sister to pick out some t-shirts for my father. They were the kind that bordered on the inappropriate. Things like "I'm with Stupid", although I know that wasn't one of the ones we got him. They had to do with things like beer and cartoon characters.

Maybe I have had a longer time to deal with it, or maybe it isn't as pushed as Mother's Day, but this holiday which is celebrated on the third Sunday in June doesn't seem to bring up as many issues. I'd be lying if I said it didn't bother me at all. It does. It just seems easier to get through it as though it is just another day.

I think many people have strained relationships with their fathers. Even those that come from families where the parents are still married. Men have for the most part been told to keep their emotions to themselves. The job of fathering is more one of providing and maybe having the dreaded talk about the birds and the bees (if you have a son). It can be a big deal for a father to say I love you or to even give a hug to his child.

It wasn't that long ago that husbands were banished to hospital waiting rooms (or the local tavern) while their wives gave birth. Now men are expected not only to be there, but be actively involved. An email from WonderTime (magazine) was having a poll to rate your mate's performance in the delivery room. Choices ranged from "rock star" to "too touchy feely".

Kevin Nealon (of Saturday Night Live and Weeds fame) just wrote a book about becoming a father for the first time at 53. It's called Yes You're Pregnant But What About Me. Clearly the tides are turning, but we have a long way to go.

Of course there is the man having a baby that Oprah helped bring to light. While yes, he is legally a man, this is far from a story about advances in modern medicine. The big question is what happens after he gives birth. Who will be changing the diapers and getting up for the 4am feedings? Will having experienced labor change things? Sometimes dramatic changes force the issue.

If you haven't heard about the blog called Matt, Liz, and Madeline, you might want to get some tissue. In a nutshell, Liz had a difficult pregnancy. She was confined to bed rest for several weeks, including a couple in the hospital before giving birth to Madeline, six weeks before her due date (via c-section). Everyone breathed a sigh of relief, the baby was small but healthy and the next day Liz was allowed to go see Madeline in the NICU. On their way their, with a nurse pushing Liz in a wheelchair per custom, Liz had a seizure. She died shortly thereafter. Matt now writes about what it has been like taking on this role the last several weeks. When people see him out and about, they frequently say things like "playing Mr. Mom today", having no idea the truth.

The bottom line is that fathers play an important role in a person's life. If you have a father in your life, tell him how you feel. If you have a friend who is a father, offer him your support. If you are a father, do a self inventory. Figure out what you can do to be the best father you can be. Fathers are an important piece to a person's well being. It is important to nurture them too.


on the night stand :: Kaline Klattermaster's Tree House