father's day is coming

The email messages are starting to bombard my inbox. Father's Day is now less than a week away. Amazon thinks I should get my dad a Kindle. Clearly they don't know my father. He doesn't read Playboy for the articles, if you know what I mean. Usually there recommendations are so on the mark.

Over at Williams-Sonoma, Chuck and his friends think my dad would like something monogrammed. Maybe some beer glasses with his initials. Or something for the grill. Was that a meat brander? These are a little more on target, although probably not something my father would entirely appreciate. (And yet your earnings are tumbling!)

It has been a long while since I celebrated Father's Day. I couldn't even tell you what present I last bought for my father, but I know it wasn't a tie.

I remember going with my mother and sister to pick out some t-shirts for my father. They were the kind that bordered on the inappropriate. Things like "I'm with Stupid", although I know that wasn't one of the ones we got him. They had to do with things like beer and cartoon characters.

Maybe I have had a longer time to deal with it, or maybe it isn't as pushed as Mother's Day, but this holiday which is celebrated on the third Sunday in June doesn't seem to bring up as many issues. I'd be lying if I said it didn't bother me at all. It does. It just seems easier to get through it as though it is just another day.

I think many people have strained relationships with their fathers. Even those that come from families where the parents are still married. Men have for the most part been told to keep their emotions to themselves. The job of fathering is more one of providing and maybe having the dreaded talk about the birds and the bees (if you have a son). It can be a big deal for a father to say I love you or to even give a hug to his child.

It wasn't that long ago that husbands were banished to hospital waiting rooms (or the local tavern) while their wives gave birth. Now men are expected not only to be there, but be actively involved. An email from WonderTime (magazine) was having a poll to rate your mate's performance in the delivery room. Choices ranged from "rock star" to "too touchy feely".

Kevin Nealon (of Saturday Night Live and Weeds fame) just wrote a book about becoming a father for the first time at 53. It's called Yes You're Pregnant But What About Me. Clearly the tides are turning, but we have a long way to go.

Of course there is the man having a baby that Oprah helped bring to light. While yes, he is legally a man, this is far from a story about advances in modern medicine. The big question is what happens after he gives birth. Who will be changing the diapers and getting up for the 4am feedings? Will having experienced labor change things? Sometimes dramatic changes force the issue.

If you haven't heard about the blog called Matt, Liz, and Madeline, you might want to get some tissue. In a nutshell, Liz had a difficult pregnancy. She was confined to bed rest for several weeks, including a couple in the hospital before giving birth to Madeline, six weeks before her due date (via c-section). Everyone breathed a sigh of relief, the baby was small but healthy and the next day Liz was allowed to go see Madeline in the NICU. On their way their, with a nurse pushing Liz in a wheelchair per custom, Liz had a seizure. She died shortly thereafter. Matt now writes about what it has been like taking on this role the last several weeks. When people see him out and about, they frequently say things like "playing Mr. Mom today", having no idea the truth.

The bottom line is that fathers play an important role in a person's life. If you have a father in your life, tell him how you feel. If you have a friend who is a father, offer him your support. If you are a father, do a self inventory. Figure out what you can do to be the best father you can be. Fathers are an important piece to a person's well being. It is important to nurture them too.


on the night stand :: Kaline Klattermaster's Tree House