a reason for the season

canon digital rebel xsi

This rant is a little late this year. Halloween is this weekend, and I have already received countless email messages with pre-pre-pre-holiday sales. In fact, I just opened one tonight for Christmas candy! Could we get rid of the Halloween candy first? PLEASE!!!

Once again I do my part to remind people that the holiday season is not about counting how many presents you give or receive, but rather a time to spend with those you love (related by blood or not) and count your blessings. This year, most people are looking at tightened budgets, and wondering how to make do. Trust me when I say that there are many people out there worse off than you. With this guide, I hope to help everyone come up with ways to enjoy whatever holiday they celebrate. With a little planning, and setting expectations, you can have a wonderful guilt-free holiday season.

This year I would like to challenge everyone to think of those less fortunate - and act. In the US, homeless is on the rise, especially among families with children. Reports are that the average age of a homeless person is a mere 9-years old. Think about that when someone tries to guilt you into something this season.

Conversations with friends have reminded me that sometimes we all need to step back and remember what we are celebrating during the holidays. I suppose I should step back here for a minute and state for the record that I love Christmas. I love the decorations – from the fancy themed department store window displays to the Charlie Brown Christmas trees. I love the music – my holiday collection is huge and I know it drives some people nuts. I love the traditions – from hanging stockings to special recipes that have been handed down several generations. I even love the cards – from finding just the right one down to the stamp that goes on the front. All of these things connect us to others and remind of where we come from. What I can’t stand is the notion that you have to spend, spend, spend – because that my friends is what tears us apart.

Don’t get me wrong, for those that have more money than they could ever know what to do with, I say go for it, especially if you remember the little people along the way. But most of us, aren’t close to having those kinds of problems of abundance, as my friend S, often reminds us. I’ll say it again because it still rings true: Christmas/Hanukkah/Kwanzaa/Winter Solstice is every day that you have a roof over your head, food on the table, and people who love you. The terrorists don’t win if you spend beyond your means and literally spend the next decade or more paying off the interest payments. When families are forced to live paycheck to paycheck so they can keep up with the Jones, no one wins. It truly is that simple.

If you sit down and get kids to open up, they really don’t want (most) a new bike or the latest video game system. Children want to spend quality time (a little one-on-one) with Mom or Dad (or both). Remember that when the urge strikes to go over your budget – think about how many late nights you will need to spend at the office to pay for it.

That doesn’t mean I am totally against the whole present thing either – I just think it should be done within the spirit of the season and your means. How many times have you received a present that a) was so not you, it wasn’t even funny, b) felt guilty because you knew the giver had spent too much, and/or c) wish they really hadn’t? True, there is something to the notion it is that thought that counts. But if you believe that, then be thoughtful this holiday season – to all parties concerned. Because, again be honest, how many times have you a) bought someone something because you felt you had to, b) had no idea what to get someone but got them something anyway, and/or c) went over budget because of these feelings of obligation and guilt? The holiday season shouldn’t be so painful. That’s not what they are about.

Fret not. Hope is not lost. Here is my updated guide to enjoying the season. It’s not too late to catch the true spirit of the holidays. In fact, there is plenty of time to turn the tides and make this the best holiday season yet!

• Set expectations. This is probably most important. Let your friends and family (including kids old enough to understand) you plan to do things a little different this year. Of course, be sure to share some of the highlights of the fun things you have planned instead, and let the excitement begin.


• Get creative. Grab your local paper or go on line and see what’s going on this season. Maybe tickets to the Nutcracker (there is lots of great community theatre out there) and make a night of it. Where are the best places to see the lights? Pack some hot cocoa and bring your camera. If you belong to a church or synagogue, investigate what activities they will be offering (midnight mass isn’t always at midnight). Don’t forget your library. Chances are good there are fliers posted with music concerts, art making, and perhaps even caroling opportunities. Also many museums have free days around the holidays. Why not take advantage?


• Get everyone involved. It’s no fun if someone does all the planning. Have a brainstorming session. Ask what they want to experience this holiday season. Make sure at least one idea from each person is included in your plans. Learning to compromise is important. Also assign age-appropriate tasks to help everything come together. Share the work of gathering information, ordering tickets, making reservations, inviting other, and so on, with the entire family so no one is overburdened.


• Plan ahead. Sit down and mark out your plans, and make sure everyone in your family gets a copy. Remember that since you will not be shopping and running around like a crazy person, you will have time on your hands, so have fun and enjoy the simple joys of the holiday season.


• Make a gift list. Decide who you would like to give a gift and a budget. Here are so no-to-low cost ideas:
  
  
  • Coupons. This was my Mom’s favorite and better received that you might think. Gifts of time (a day with you, baby-sitting, errand running, a week of your kid’s chores, etc.) are always appreciated. If appropriate, kisses and back rubs are nice too. Don’t forget to put expiration dates and if you like, make some redeemable for a particular time of year when you have more time/money.
  
  
  • Use your talents. If you love to cook or knit or sew, the ideas are limitless. If you have a knack for music, put together a mix of your favorite songs. Did you take an amazing photo this year? Find an inexpensive frame and presto! If you have a dozen or so you love, make a calendar.
  
  
  • Write a letter. Not one of those awful over-the-top-my-family-is-better-than-yours end of the year holiday updates though. Tell someone how you really feel. Let them know you care and think of them. Also what you hope for them. It is one of the simplest things to do; yet you’d be surprised how much this can mean to another. Speak from your heart and spelling and grammar won’t matter.
  
  
  • De-clutter. There is nothing wrong with giving a gently used book if you think the recipient would love it. Ms. Manners and other etiquette experts all agree that there is no harm in re-gifting (as long as you don’t make the grand faux pas of giving it back to the original gift-giver). In this category you may want to add passing down a treasured heirloom or even a family recipe. Just think of the goose bumps you would get if someone presented you with grandma’s pearls or Aunt Ida’s infamous eggnog recipe.
  
  
  • Donate. Give a gift to your favorite cause (or a cause the recipient believes in) in their name. Most organizations are happy to provide you with a card or letter for the recipient. Plus you may be able to earn a deduction on your taxes (no harm in that).
  
  
  • Do their homework. No, don't go digging up an essay so your niece sails through English 101. Here I am thinking about someone on your list that is going on a vacation or perhaps moving to a new town. Why not put together points of interest, restaurants, and other places of note. Trust me, this could easily be the best thing they ever received.
  
  
• Draw names. If you have a big family I have heard this works great. Everyone draws a name and a limit is put on the amount spent. This would also work well in families that have seen a sudden rise in little ones - this way the adults don't feel left out.


• Shop locally. Support your local artists at a holiday fair or family owned specialty shop in town.


• Use the Internet. If you want to buy a big-ticket item or a must-have toy, do a search on Google (or other search engines). See who is offering the best price. Also use Google (or other search engines) to see if a particular retailer is offering free shipping or other specials. Click, click and you are done. Items can be shipped to your office to make things easier and keep from ruining the surprise. Also if you haven't discovered Etsy, the holidays would be a good time. Artists from all over the world offer amazing crafts and artwork, many at good prices.


• Give back. Again, you should find some time opening up without all the rushing around or looking for parking at the mall. But just an FYI – soup kitchens usually have more people then they know what to do with on actual holidays, so try to pick a day when people are needed and you and yours will feel more useful. Adopting a family is a great idea if you can, or on a smaller scale most malls/bookstores/kids stores will have trees filled with ornaments that represent a child’s wish. Also don't forgot about thanking the folks who helped make your holidays a little brighter.


• It's okay to wish. Don’t be afraid to use wish lists. If you have generous family or friends who would like to get presents (especially for the little ones), it is perfectly fine to have a wish list. People who don’t have kids are often clueless about what to get, or afraid of getting something the child already has or in the wrong size. That said, I wouldn’t necessarily advertise it, but if they ask, why not make it easy? And of course, if you do use one, keep it current! Is your wish list current? Save yourself the hassle of returns. And what better time to update your wish list on Amazon then when they are giving stuff away for doing so?


• Oh, and don’t forget Buy Nothing Day. Instead of going to the mall the Friday after Thanksgiving (this year November 27 in the US), resist the urge to spend any money. As the site says, for 24 hours every November we remember that no one was born to shop. There has to be something you would rather do than risk your life looking for parking at the mall.

on the night stand :: Big Frog Can't Fit In by Mo Willems.

nineteen days

It's sounds like a long time, but really it isn't. Nineteen days is the amount of time I have to get this house back in order. The time I have left to mentally prepare myself for the arrival. To convince B that we should just head north or east. Be anywhere but here for the holidays. All we need is an Internet connection.

I have a list in my head of all that needs to be done. I need to commit it to paper. I have been so anxious, I just haven't been able to let myself do that.

I also need to prepare for Christmas. I promised myself I would get my cards out on time this year. I have the blanks. My address book is a mess though. And of course I need something to go on the front. That's the hard part.

There is also the question of the tree. This has been a big issue with me and B for years. When we thought B's nephews were coming for Christmas, it seemed like a no brainer. Now, it seems like something I could be judged for as being frivolous or taking over a house that isn't mine. Of course it didn't stop me from bringing home three reindeer ornaments from Starbucks today. I have this idea in my head of having a Twitter themed tree. Very high brow. No one would get it.

And of course there are thoughts of what happens once they arrive. I am a planner by nature. For better or worse, I like to know what is going to happen. I think this is what is driving me crazy. Although this is major progress - getting almost a months notice - we still know little about their plans. So the question remains do we just plan as if they weren't here, or do we keep our calendar open? Either way, I think we are screwed.

Today's progress included taking in the recycling, which required going to two centers. The first was not accepting glass. I also got some tips on taking a preschooler to Disneyland. I apparently need to get bandaides.

Nineteen days is roughly 456 hours or 27,360 minutes. Nineteen days is less time than they will be here.

It's really a pity I don't drink.


on the night stand :: More Information Than You Require by John Hodgeman

holiday rant two thousand and eight

Every year I have to post this earlier. Today is October 20 - Halloween is still over a week away! Rumor has it to deal with the crumbling financial world, Walmart has responded by putting out the Christmas stuff last week! (I admit, I do not shop at Walmart. I heard about this on NPR.) The idea is to get people to shop earlier, in smaller doses, and more often, so we don't end up with another Christmas of 1991.

Today I also received an email from The Container Store, informing me that they have put their Gift Wrap Wonderland on line. I love The Container Store, but honestly it is a bit early to be thinking about wrapping paper with stars and trees and reindeer. I still haven't figured out Thanksgiving yet, not to mention this whole election thing.

And so once again I do my part to remind people that the holiday season is not about counting how many presents you give or receive, but rather a time to spend with those you love (related by blood or not) and count your blessings. With this guide, I hope to help everyone come up with ways to do just that. With a little planning, and setting expectations, you can have a wonderful guilt-free holiday season.

Conversations with friends have reminded me that sometimes we all need to step back and remember what we are celebrating during the holidays. I suppose I should step back here for a minute and state for the record that I love Christmas. I love the decorations – from the fancy themed department store window displays to the Charlie Brown Christmas trees. I love the music – my holiday collection is huge and I know it drives some people nuts. I love the traditions – from hanging stockings to special recipes that have been handed down several generations. I even love the cards – from finding just the right one down to the stamp that goes on the front. All of these things connect us to others and remind of where we come from. What I can’t stand is the notion that you have to spend, spend, spend – because that my friends is what tears us apart.

Don’t get me wrong, for those that have more money than they could ever know what to do with, I say go for it, especially if you remember the little people along the way. But most of us, aren’t close to having those kinds of problems of abundance, as my friend S, often reminds us. I’ll say it again because it still rings true: Christmas/Hanukkah/Kwanzaa/Winter Solstice is every day that you have a roof over your head, food on the table, and people who love you. The terrorists don’t win if you spend beyond your means and literally spend the next decade or more paying off the interest payments. When families are forced to live paycheck to paycheck so they can keep up with the Jones, no one wins. It truly is that simple.

If you sit down and get kids to open up, they really don’t want (most) a new bike or the latest video game system. Children want to spend quality time (a little one-on-one) with Mom or Dad (or both). Remember that when the urge strikes to go over your budget – think about how many late nights you will need to spend at the office to pay for it.

That doesn’t mean I am totally against the whole present thing either – I just think it should be done within the spirit of the season and your means. How many times have you received a present that a) was so not you, it wasn’t even funny, b) felt guilty because you knew the giver had spent too much, and/or c) wish they really hadn’t? True, there is something to the notion it is that thought that counts. But if you believe that, then be thoughtful this holiday season – to all parties concerned. Because, again be honest, how many times have you a) bought someone something because you felt you had to, b) had no idea what to get someone but got them something anyway, and/or c) went over budget because of these feelings of obligation and guilt? The holiday season shouldn’t be so painful. That’s not what they are about.

Fret not. Hope is not lost. Here is my updated guide to enjoying the season. It’s not too late to catch the true spirit of the holidays. In fact, there is plenty of time to turn the tides and make this the best holiday season yet!:

Set expectations. This is probably most important. Let your friends and family (including kids old enough to understand) you plan to do things a little different this year. Of course, be sure to share some of the highlights of the fun things you have planned instead, and let the excitement begin.

Get creative. Grab your local paper or go on line and see what’s going on this season. Maybe tickets to the Nutcracker (there is lots of great community theatre out there) and make a night of it. Where are the best places to see the lights? Pack some hot cocoa and bring your camera. If you belong to a church or synagogue, investigate what activities they will be offering (midnight mass isn’t always at midnight). Don’t forget your library. Chances are good there are fliers posted with music concerts, art making, and perhaps even caroling opportunities. Also many museums have free days around the holidays. Why not take advantage?

Get everyone involved. It’s no fun if someone does all the planning. Have a brainstorming session. Ask what they want to experience this holiday season. Make sure at least one idea from each person is included in your plans. Learning to compromise is important. Also assign age-appropriate tasks to help everything come together. Share the work of gathering information, ordering tickets, making reservations, inviting other, and so on, with the entire family so no one is overburdened.

Plan ahead. Sit down and mark out your plans, and make sure everyone in your family gets a copy. Remember that since you will not be shopping and running around like a crazy person, you will have time on your hands, so have fun and enjoy the simple joys of the holiday season.

Make a gift list. Decide who you would like to give a gift and a budget. Here are so no-to-low cost ideas:

• Coupons. This was my Mom’s favorite and better received that you might think. Gifts of time (a day with you, baby-sitting, errand running, a week of your kid’s chores, etc.) are always appreciated. If appropriate, kisses and back rubs are nice too. Don’t forget to put expiration dates and if you like, make some redeemable for a particular time of year when you have more time/money.



• Use your talents. If you love to cook or knit or sew, the ideas are limitless. If you have a knack for music, put together a mix of your favorite songs. Did you take an amazing photo this year? Find an inexpensive frame and presto! If you have a dozen or so you love, make a calendar.



• Write a letter. Not one of those awful over-the-top-my-family-is-better-than-yours end of the year holiday updates though. Tell someone how you really feel. Let them know you care and think of them. Also what you hope for them. It is one of the simplest things to do; yet you’d be surprised how much this can mean to another. Speak from your heart and spelling and grammar won’t matter.



• De-clutter. There is nothing wrong with giving a gently used book if you think the recipient would love it. Ms. Manners and other etiquette experts all agree that there is no harm in re-gifting (as long as you don’t make the grand faux pas of giving it back to the original gift-giver). In this category you may want to add passing down a treasured heirloom or even a family recipe. Just think of the goose bumps you would get if someone presented you with grandma’s pearls or Aunt Ida’s infamous eggnog recipe.



• Donate. Give a gift to your favorite cause (or a cause the recipient believes in) in their name. Most organizations are happy to provide you with a card or letter for the recipient. Plus you may be able to earn a deduction on your taxes (no harm in that).



• Do their homework. No, don't go digging up an essay so your niece sails through English 101. Here I am thinking about someone on your list that is going on a vacation or perhaps moving to a new town. Why not put together points of interest, restaurants, and other places of note. Trust me, this could easily be the best thing they ever received.



• Draw names. If you have a big family I have heard this works great. Everyone draws a name and a limit is put on the amount spent. This would also work well in families that have seen a sudden rise in little ones - this way the adults don't feel left out.

Shop locally. Support your local artists at a holiday fair or family owned specialty shop in town.

Use the Internet. If you want to buy a big-ticket item or a must-have toy, do a search on Google (or other search engines). See who is offering the best price. Also use Google (or other search engines) to see if a particular retailer is offering free shipping or other specials. Click, click and you are done. Items can be shipped to your office to make things easier and keep from ruining the surprise. Also if you haven't discovered Etsy, the holidays would be a good time. Artists from all over the world offer amazing crafts and artwork, many at good prices.

Give back. Again, you should find some time opening up without all the rushing around or looking for parking at the mall. But just an FYI – soup kitchens usually have more people then they know what to do with on actual holidays, so try to pick a day when people are needed and you and yours will feel more useful. Adopting a family is a great idea if you can, or on a smaller scale most malls/bookstores/kids stores will have trees filled with ornaments that represent a child’s wish. Also don't forgot about thanking the folks who helped make your holidays a little brighter.

It's okay to wish. Don’t be afraid to use wish lists. If you have generous family or friends who would like to get presents (especially for the little ones), it is perfectly fine to have a wish list. People who don’t have kids are often clueless about what to get, or afraid of getting something the child already has or in the wrong size. That said, I wouldn’t necessarily advertise it, but if they ask, why not make it easy? And of course, if you do use one, keep it current! Is your wish list current? Save yourself the hassle of returns.

Oh, and don’t forget Buy Nothing Day. Instead of going to the mall the Friday after Thanksgiving (this year November 28 in the US), resist the urge to spend any money. As the site says, for 24 hours every November we remember that no one was born to shop. There has to be something you would rather do than risk your life looking for parking at the mall.


on the night stand :: Scattershot: My Bipolar Family

or not

I have spent a good part of today YELLING! Yes, yelling. I had had enough of all of this no one willing to make a decision about if they were coming to LA for the holidays nonsense.

I am a planner. Not only that, I have planned large holiday gatherings. It is a LOT of work. Don't get me wrong, I love doing it, but it doesn't take away from the effort and managing that goes into such a thing. I also know that with every day that passes, it becomes more difficult to find things, not to mention that the crowds get crankier, larger, and more out of control. If this is going to fall to me, then I would prefer not to make it any more difficult than it need be.

If everyone were to come, there would be six adults (and I really just mean people over 18 - the behavior I am in the midst of is far from adult) and two children under three. There are two dining tables in the house. Both seat six. Each is in a different room. There are also only sets of six dishes, glasses, etc. My main concern is really not so much matching everything, but more in that if history repeats itself, then B and I would be forced to sit at the counter with our backs facing everyone. So much for bringing people together. The tables could be moved into the den, but again, a lot of work that I would rather not do if they are not coming.

One of the things we learned is that B's sister didn't realize we were in LA when she sent the email suggesting she might be spending the holidays there (um, here). This was something I had initially suspected, as it was a bit bizarre. Honestly I can't say which would be worse - that she didn't know where her brother was living or that she was inviting herself (and her family) to spend the holidays with us. I just don't know how this has never come up in such a 'close knit' family. *rolls eyes*

We also learned that the instigation for this whole 'family holiday in LA' was for the grandkids to spend the holidays with their grandparents. Asian cultures tend to say that the husband's family rules the roost (there are exceptions of course, this is just a general guideline when all other things are equal). This is important because last holiday season, B's sister left her oldest son to stay with his paternal grandparents for three months. As the maternal grandparents lived in the area, the boy visited (mostly on weekends), but the paternal grandparents had custody, so to speak. You would think that they would be all over this and willing to concede to any demands made of them. Apparently not so much.

Even more disturbing is that B's parents know where he is, and they knew about these plans, but never said a word to him. I don't know if they were hoping we wouldn't be here over the holidays or afraid that if they clued us in on their plans, we would make alternate plans. Clearly there are some serious control issues, not to mention manipulation and complete lack of communication.

Meanwhile, B is asking me why I am so upset about all of this. If I want a family holiday I should just plan for it, and if they don't come, they don't come. He assures me that his parents don't care about things like decorations and just want to spend time together. I say that while that may be good and true, there are little children in the picture and it certainly wouldn't be right for them not to enjoy the traditions of the holidays. Also I point out that I would hate to do to all that work (and spend the money) only for the two of us to be sitting alone come Christmas Eve. How sad would that be? Well, maybe not sad, but there would be some feelings of disappointment. I joked about putting in all in a box and leaving it for next year when we definitely would make other plans.

I have been living for the last year in limbo. I hate not being able to tell people where I will be. I know that no one would be upset with me if I had to cancel at the last minute, but I also know that it gets old fast. And it is disappointing all around. It is a large part of why I start keeping my distance. I was tired of explaining. I love the saying "Bloom Where You Are Planted", but I am not sure how to do that having been uprooted so much.

Since I started writing this, we have learned that they are probably not coming. There is still a slim chance, but it isn't likely. Those are almost exact quotes from his parents. Don't you just love that? And I was accused of being non-committal. Go figure. Also, B's Dad suggested we go to New York. Gotta love it.

Someone once said that the definition of mixed feelings is watching your mother-in-law drive over a cliff. In your brand new Mercedes.




on the night stand :: The Sunny Side by A.A. Milne

guide to reclaiming the holidays, or guilt is not a holiday tradition

Yes, I know that yesterday I was all about holiday cards and how even in early November, time is of the essence. This post may seem contradictory, but really it isn't. This is my annual day to rant about the commercialization of the holidays. Every year it seems I post this sooner, as the line of demarcation keeps getting drawn further and further away. This year I know I saw Christmas items moving in as the end of summer sale was starting to clear the aisles. They were already playing holiday carols on the weekend Today Show (I don't know why I was watching that either). Read on and take action.

Conversations with friends have reminded me that sometimes we all need to step back and remember what we are celebrating. I suppose I should step back here for a minute and state for the record that I love Christmas. I love the decorations – from the fancy themed department store window displays to the Charlie Brown Christmas trees. I love the music – my holiday collection is huge and I know it drives some people nuts. I love the traditions – from hanging stockings to special recipes that have been handed down several generations. I even love the cards – from finding just the right one down to the stamp that goes on the front. All of these things connect us to others and remind of where we come from. What I can’t stand is the notion that you have to spend, spend, spend – because that my friends is what tears us apart.

Don’t get me wrong, for those that have more money than they could ever know what to do with, I say go for it, especially if you remember the little people along the way. But most of us, aren’t close to having those kinds of problems. I’ll say it again because it still rings true: Christmas/Hanukkah/Kwanzaa is every day that we have a roof over our heads, food on the table, and people who love us. The terrorists don’t win if you spend beyond your means and literally spend the next decade or more paying off the interest payments. When families are forced to live paycheck to paycheck so they can keep up with the Jones, no one wins. It truly is that simple.

If you sit down and get kids to open up, they really don’t want (most) a new bike or the latest video game system. Children want to spend quality time (a little one-on-one) with Mom or Dad (or both). Remember that when the urge strikes to go over your budget – think about how many late nights you will need to spend at the office to pay for it.

That doesn’t mean I am totally against the whole present thing either – I just think it should be done within the spirit of the season and your means. How many times have you received a present that a) was so not you, it wasn’t even funny, b) felt guilty because you knew the giver had spent too much, and/or c) wish they really hadn’t? True, there is something to the notion it is that thought that counts. But if you believe that, then be thoughtful this holiday season – to all parties concerned. Because, again be honest, how many times have you a) bought someone something because you felt you had to, b) had no idea what to get someone but got them something anyway, and/or c) went over budget because of these feelings of obligation and guilt? The holiday season shouldn’t be so painful. That’s not what they are about.

Fret not. Hope is not lost. Here is my updated guide to enjoying the season. It’s not too late to catch the true spirit of the holidays. In fact, there is plenty of time to turn the tides and make this the best holiday season yet!:

Set expectations. This is probably most important. Let your friends and family (including kids old enough to understand) you plan to do things a little different this year. Of course, be sure to share some of the highlights of the fun things you have planned instead, and let the excitement begin.

Get creative. Grab your local paper or go on line and see what’s going on this season. Maybe tickets to the Nutcracker (there is lots of great community theatre out there) and make a night of it. Where are the best places to see the lights? Pack some hot cocoa and bring your camera. If you belong to a church or synagogue, investigate what activities they will be offering (midnight mass isn’t always at midnight). Don’t forget your library. Chances are good there are fliers posted with music concerts, art making, and perhaps even caroling opportunities. Also many museums have free days around the holidays. Why not take advantage?

Get everyone involved. It’s no fun if someone does all the planning. Have a brainstorming session. Ask what they want to experience this holiday season. Make sure at least one idea from each person is included in your plans. Learning to compromise is important. Also assign age-appropriate tasks to help everything come together. Share the work of gathering information, ordering tickets, making reservations, inviting other, and so on, with the entire family so no one is overburdened.

Plan ahead. Sit down and mark out your plans, and make sure everyone in your family gets a copy. Remember that since you will not be shopping and running around like a crazy person, you will have time on your hands, so have fun and enjoy the simple joys of the holiday season.

Make a gift list Decide who you would like to give a gift and a budget. Here are so no-to-low cost ideas:

• Coupons. This was my Mom’s favorite and better received that you might think. Gifts of time (a day with you, baby-sitting, errand running, a week of your kid’s chores, etc.) are always appreciated. If appropriate, kisses and back rubs are nice too. Don’t forget to put expiration dates and if you like, make some redeemable for a particular time of year when you have more time/money.


• Use your talents. If you love to cook or knit or sew, the ideas are limitless. If you have a knack for music, put together a mix of your favorite songs. Did you take an amazing photo this year? Find an inexpensive frame and presto! If you have a dozen or so you love, make a calendar.


• Write a letter. Not one of those awful over-the-top-my-family-is-better-than-yours end of the year holiday updates though. Tell someone how you really feel. Let them know you care and think of them. Also what you hope for them. It is one of the simplest things to do; yet you’d be surprised how much this can mean to another. Speak from your heart and spelling and grammar won’t matter.


• De-clutter. There is nothing wrong with giving a gently used book if you think the recipient would love it. Ms. Manners and other etiquette experts all agree that there is no harm in re-gifting (as long as you don’t make the grand faux pas of giving it back to the original gift-giver). In this category you may want to add passing down a treasured heirloom or even a family recipe. Just think of the goose bumps you would get if someone presented you with grandma’s pearls or Aunt Ida’s infamous eggnog recipe.


• Donate. Give a gift to your favorite cause (or a cause the recipient believes in) in their name. Most organizations are happy to provide you with a card or letter for the recipient. Plus you may be able to earn a deduction on your taxes (no harm in that).


• Do their homework. No, don't go digging up an essay so your niece sails through English 101. Here I am thinking about someone on your list that is going on a vacation or perhaps moving to a new town. Why not put together points of interest, restaurants, and other places of note. Trust me, this could easily be the best thing they ever received.


• Draw names. If you have a big family I have heard this works great. Everyone draws a name and a limit is put on the amount spent. This would also work well in families that have seen a sudden rise in little ones - this way the adults don't feel left out.

Shop locally. Support your local artists at a holiday fair or family owned specialty shop in town.

Use the Internet. If you want to buy a big-ticket item or a must-have toy, do a search on Google. See who is offering the best price. Also use Google (or other search engines) to see if a particular retailer is offering free shipping or other specials. Click, click and you are done. Items can be shipped to your office to make things easier and keep from ruining the surprise. Also if you haven't discovered Etsy, the holidays would be a good time. Artists from all over the world offer amazing crafts and artwork, many at good prices.

Give back. Again, you should find some time opening up without all the rushing around or looking for parking at the mall. But just an FYI – soup kitchens usually have more people then they know what to do with on actual holidays, so try to pick a day when people are needed and you and yours will feel more useful. Adopting a family is a great idea if you can, or on a smaller scale most malls/bookstores/kids stores will have trees filled with ornaments that represent a child’s wish. Also don't forgot about thanking the folks who helped make your holidays a little brighter.

It's okay to wish. Don’t be afraid to use wish lists. If you have generous family or friends who would like to get presents (especially for the little ones), it is perfectly fine to have a wish list. People who don’t have kids are often clueless about what to get, or afraid of getting something the child already has or in the wrong size. That said, I wouldn’t necessarily advertise it, but if they ask, why not make it easy? And of course, if you do use one, keep it current! Is your wish list current? Save yourself the hassle of returns.

Oh, and don’t forget Buy Nothing Day. Instead of going to the mall the Friday after Thanksgiving, resist the urge to spend any money. As the site says, for 24 hours every November we remember that no one was born to shop. There has to be something you would rather do than risk your life looking for parking at the mall.


on the night stand :: Yo-Yo Man