thanksgiving countdown

canon digital rebel xsi

Thanksgiving (in the US) is exactly three weeks away! We have decided to host this year, as I have had enough of driving turkeys across the San Gabriel Valley. Last year was so bizarre, I just can't do it again. While I understand B's Uncle's family was going through something, we had no idea until after the fact. Note to all: It isn't a good idea to invite people to your house for a holiday if you are not up to it. Really, we would have understood. What we didn't understand was showing up at the appointed time to what seemed to be an empty house. Standing in the driveway, holding a cooked 22-pound Butterball, is not my idea of a good time. So this year we start new traditions.

I have the menu planned: turkey with my grandmother's stuffing, cranberry walnut sauce, green bean casserole, yams, corn pudding, mashed potatoes, gravy, and popovers. Thank goodness this house has two ovens!! Dessert is still a bit undecided. Leaning towards an apple pie and a chocolate pecan (aka brownie) pie - might as well use both pie plates.

I have also started putting bread in the freezer for the stuffing. We ended up with four extra hot dog rolls from Trader Joes (after a World Series craving), so those are in there. I am also baking bread this week, so plan on putting some of that in the stuffing too. It really is the mixing of odds and ends that is the secret to making the stuffing so tasty.

We received some great coupons in the mail yesterday from Ralph's (essentially a $7 credit - thank you very much), so will go there and get the non-perishable items soon. The cranberry sauce recipe calls for red currant jam, which can be a challenge to find.

I should start pulling out recipes and making lists. Organization is the key to a successful Thanksgiving meal. Getting everything (and everyone) to the table at the same time is truly an art form.



on the night stand :: Big Sur Bakery Cookbook

a week of giving thanks pt 4

Today is Thanksgiving in the US. I feel like everyone is in on a secret except for me. We arrived at B's Uncle's at the agreed upon time. We stood there for a few minutes carrying the food we had promised to bring. B rang the doorbell twice. No one answered. The dog didn't even bark. For a moment I thought we had missed something.

Thankfully B's cousin pulled up in his car. He had been out at the store. His parents were upstairs. Napping? Still there were indications that they really weren't into this. His cousin had his girlfriend and her friend over (the three of them went up to his bedroom to check out his new 40" TV). Maybe it was that. Or that their other two grown children couldn't make it home? It was weird. We were home by 6:30pm.

Overall it turned out well, but there was just something in the air. No one talks about anything in their family, so who knows what is going on.

Still, I try and remain grateful, especially for B and those I am fortunate enough to call my friends.


on the night stand :: The Invention of Hugo Cabret by Brian Selznick

turkey is on

Seems there has been a change of plans. B got a call from his Uncle this morning, asking if we would be willing to still bring a turkey over to his house for Thanksgiving dinner. Maybe someone else wasn't too keen on the idea of Chinese food either?

Of course this means that just when I have accepted the idea, there is suddenly this change of plans. It means we need to plan for more than pie. We started tonight by stopping at Whole Foods. We used two carts and put $50 of groceries in each so we could take advantage of our $10 off coupons*. We each were over about three dollars, but better than being under. Tomorrow we will get the turkey.

I guess this means I better clean the oven too.

*Coupon good at Whole Foods in Southern California, Southern Nevada, Arizona and Hawaii thru November 30, 2008 on purchase of $50 or more. Not good for gift card purchases.


on the night stand :: Ella Sets Sail

the not lost recipes

The house smells like lemon zest, cinnamon and fresh thyme. All with undertones of butter and apples. If there were a perfume called Thanksgiving , this is what it would smell like. Why anyone would wear it, is a whole other matter.

Somehow focusing on the cooking helped me to calm down. Remembering that my grandmother went through all the trouble of making that stuffing every year, even though she didn't like it herself. Thinking of how my father (if he still breathes) probably misses his mother's cooking. Does he even know that I know how to recreate her dish? He would probably fall over and die if he knew I could make Great Aunt Margie's potato salad.

My Great Aunt Margie was actually my mother's aunt. She was my mother's father's sister. But she lived upstairs from my paternal grandmother (of the stuffing) for many years with her husband until they all in rather quick succession passed away. While she lived there, she was always cooking, even though the attic apartment didn't have much of a kitchen. She would send down potato salad in the late summer evenings, and by morning, it would be gone.

I remember coming home one summer and telling my Mom about the potato salad. My Mom remembered it from her childhood. She told me that the next summer, I would need to learn how to make it. And the next summer I did just that. I sat and watched my Great Aunt work her magic. That is another of those recipes that can't really be written down. It is a little of this, and a little of that. Plus there is just so much love that goes into it, that you can't just copy it.

They had some amazing looking red potatoes at Whole Foods. As I was picking out sweet potatoes, we talked about making my Aunt Margie's world famous potato salad instead of mashed potatoes. But mashed potatoes just seem essential to the Thanksgiving menu. Maybe for Christmas. Although it would be perfect with a turkey sandwich.

The turkey sandwich started with my Mother. She would buy Kaiser rolls with poppy seeds from a local Jewish deli and save them just for this purpose. Around 10pm on Thanksgiving night, she would go out into the kitchen (which was usually still looking like a disaster area) and start making a sandwich. She would grab out the Hellman's and layer on turkey and cranberry sauce, and a little bit of stuffing, which was warmed up a bit in the microwave. Sometimes we would share it; sometimes she would make me my own. She always said that a sandwich always tasted better when someone else made it just for you. That is so true.

on the night stand :: Martha Stewart Living Cookbook : The New Classics

thanksgiving is the fourth thursday in november

I didn't do it. I just couldn't bring myself to cook the turkey today. Perhaps I am more of a traditionalist that I will admit. But that is entirely it either.

If I am going to admit something, then I should confess that I feel like I am drowning. And this really makes no sense as I really have no pressure being put on me, beyond the pressure I put on myself, of course.

There will be no family or friends coming to dinner tomorrow. There is no one to impress or worry about. This should be easy, but it isn't.

I hate to say it, but I think I am becoming one of those people who hates the holidays. I hate that they remind me of my losses, and what I will never have. Of course some will argue that I never had it to begin with, and really I should just get over myself already.

But when at every turn it seems there are images and sounds telling you how things should be and they aren't, tell me it wouldn't drive you mad. And yes, a part of me is very, very angry, although I am talking more about madness in that last sentence than anger.

That first Thanksgiving after my mom died, as crazy as it sounds, I kept hoping the phone would ring. My logical side knew that it would never happen, but that hopeful part held out and kept thinking that nothing is impossible.

This grief will never go away. I get that. But it seems to build at this time of the year. It reminds me of the abomination of my family and mocks me. You see, one of my big issues was that I never felt wanted and now somehow here I am without them. And the lingering question of why does battle with me every day.

Tomorrow I will get up and make a turkey. The stuffing is my grandmother's recipe. One that was never written down, and could only be learned by watching and practice. I will reflect on all that I am grateful for as I busy myself in the kitchen, and try not to let this grief get the better of me.






on the night stand :: Martha Stewart Living Cookbook : The Original Classics

giving thanks

I can't believe that Thanksgiving (in the US) is exactly a week away. While many couples have great debates over which family to spend the holidays with, we have quite a different problem. We have the whole two turkeys in the freezer and no guest problem.

When we have been in LA, we have usually gone to B's uncle's house to celebrate Thanksgiving. Last year that turkey got around. B's uncle insisted on buying the turkey, but since their home was in final remodeling I agreed to cook it and transport it to their home on the other side of the valley. So the turkey was driven from one end of the valley, defrosted, cooked, and then driven back again.

All of that wouldn't have been so bad, but there were clearly some issues going on in the home. We think it had something to do with one of B's cousins. He wasn't at dinner and our inquiries about him were ignored. There was just an air about the place. It made the whole day, which was already uncomfortable, even more so. We were the only guests and shortly after dinner it was just the three of us (B, me and their dog).

This year it has been hard to make plans as everything has been up in the air for so long. It has been impossible to see much beyond the day, let alone weeks in advance. Meanwhile, I have been pushing myself away from people because this situation has just been too hard to explain. Everything has just felt so out of control that I haven't wanted to inflict myself on others. And thus I now have two 18-pound turkeys in the freezer and no plans.

This is one of the things I truly suck at - inviting people to do something. Like most people, I don't like rejection. But I am sure there are other issues at work there as well.

At this point, I would be surprised if anyone I knew in the area didn't have plans. And I also don't want to make it look like I am fishing for an invite. At the same time what does this say about me. Yikes!

The holidays are hard when you don't have family. They are hard when you do too. I don't miss the craziness of that. I am trying to be thankful for the craziness of this. I think we need to figure out new traditions.


on the night stand :: Everyday Sacred